Be impeccable with your own words
Ok, so this is how the story went. A married guy looses his job, and in an order to support his family starts escorting behind wife's back. Pretty soon she accidentally finds out, and leaves him. Of course he was broken because even though he did a bad thing, he was just embarrassed of his job, but his intentions were good.. However he writes a book about his story, about what he did, and on the book signing his wife comes to him and asks him in tear:" And you couldn't tell me how you've felt all this time?" He replies to her: "I am a WRITER."
I am just retelling the movie I've seen long time ago, and the reason is because I kind of found myself in that sentence. Yes, when you are a writer, you find very difficult to express yourself verbally. And sometimes you can even screw up.
We started this blog writing about love, and all the beauty that comes with it. And about Yoga. Yoga is about learning about yourself and discovering new parts of yourself you haven't met yet, about awareness of your words, thought and actions. And in order to be aware of the things something needs to happen to awaken you.
So the last night I've said something that hurt my boyfriend. I was being sarcastic, exaggerating and saying something that really hurt his feelings. All that because I was goofing around. At least that's what I thought. But behind our words there is always something much deeper than that. So you have to ask yourself when you say things that you don't mean: Where is this coming from? Why did I say that? What made me hurt him? And am I right? So here can apply saying "Think twice before you say it." But that can be hard because the person who speaks out in that moment when you realize what you just said s not You. It's you EGO.
So that's the first lesson I failed last night. Be impeccable with your own words.
Don't make any assumptions
Second argument cam from the second lesson I've failed. From the look he gave it to me I assumed something without asking him am i right or wrong. So with that assumption I've had in my head I've created all that mass and said those things I didn't wanna say. So when you think the person you love thinks something about you, or doing something, always and always ASK. I would even put this as a first lesson, because assumption creates a lots of negative things. You assume something and then you start reacting to it. Like I did. Verbally.
Don't take anything personally
In a relationship it's hard to apply this lesson. Let's say the thing I've said the last night to my bf and the reason why it hurt him was not because he just took it personally but because by me being rude I just showed no respect for him whatsoever. So there are limits. Some things you won't take personally and you shouldn't but some when it comes to respecting in any kind of relationship it's OK to let that person know that you care about what he thinks or feels about you.
In my case I just talk rude sometimes to the people I love. And yes they take it personally for the reason because they have love for me too. But the last night when he opened my eyes and literally told me that I am talking rude and it's not happening for the first time, I just stopped. In that moment I remembered all of those moments when I hurt my friends, my mum or now my bf, just by making "sarcastic jokes". But what is behind all of those sarcastic jokes?? Is it really just my words??
No, that was all my EGO.
So that's why I was saying that when sometimes you say stuff that "you don't mean", ask yourself why is it like that. Try to go beyond the surface. So yes, at first I cried, I let myself feeling bad, because what I do is not right, and as a good person, as a someone who wants to live on a spiritual path that's not the way I want to be. So I meditated. Then I was chanting. Then I was praying to God.
And this afternoon as reading Eckhart Tolle "A New Earth", I've found my answer. I've found what is behind all this. Yes it's my ego. When I saw the look in his eyes and I assumed what I assumed right away my ego reacted, and wanted to defend itself, and argue to prove that it's right. And also to ask for attention. So that's the moment I became aware. And that's all what Yoga is all about: Awareness.
"Awareness is the power that is concealed within the present moment. This is why we also call it Presence", E.Tolle says.
So here comes and 4th lesson: Always do your best
Do your best first at working on yourself. Your relationship with you, and then with others. And the reason why I wanted to share my experience about this disagreement I've had in my relationship is for you to see that not everything is perfect in one relationship and there is always a work to do, but to me that's a beauty of it. And also, for you to understand that you will always learn, grow and improve. But it's up to you. I chose this path, the path of awareness and spirituality.
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