Forgiveness

                                                       "You have to give up to go up"

Almost all of us have been hurt by actions or words of others, wether was from our parents, friends, partners, colleagues, or someone we don't even know. We all know about forgiveness but let's be honest here, it's one thing to read about it and the other thing to really do it. Action of forgiving is not easy. 

I've spent many years living in anger, bitterness, negative emotions that just lead to paying price for it, because you bring that anger and bitterness into every new relationship and new experience. 

When I started practicing Yoga, especially when I started doing it every single day some emotions started to surface. Old traumas, old wounds that obviously never been healed, some of them I wasn't even aware that were still there, but it was obvious that they were and they were effecting me and my present life. After I became aware of this I knew what is the only thing that is left for me to do- to forgive.

It was very hard. I cried a lot, and I let myself cry because I knew that was one of the ways to release my pain, I meditated on forgiveness toward those who hurt me, I found shelter in my Yoga practice, and then I also read that it helps if you write some kind of a letter to a person who hurt you, say everything you feel, you mean, and then burn it. I did that too. I remember the moment in one of the classes when I was in Ustrasana (Camel pose), and when I got up, i just burst into tears. It was amazing experience. It used to happen sometimes that I would let some tears out during a practice, but that time was really special and different. Amazing experience, after which I felt pounds lighter. I forgave.

After forgiveness you learn that the only one who can hurt you is yourself, because you are the one who lets others  hurt you. It's hard sometimes, especially if it comes from someone we care about. But we need to try to understand why and how we get hurt, to understand others around us, develop the compassion and then comes forgiveness. Every memory stays with you, forgiveness lessens the grip on you and helps you focus on positive parts of life. Forgiveness is freedom. 

Always remember: Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. We do it for ourselves to get well and move on! 

First step in my Indian adventure

A year ago, when I started practicing Ashtanga, after years of studying Yoga, mostly Vinyasa style, I have decided after careful consideration, to go to Mysore- a source of Ashtanga Yoga. I’ve made plan to work hard in 2011, and get organized in getting to Mysore. I’ve had help from the teachers who already been there, telling me how to get there and where to go to. A year ago I was also single, and decided to focus on my Yoga practice and the work at my Yoga studio. Being alone and happy I decided to spend my New Year’s Eve in Budapest. I’ve never been there before, and I wanted to spend the beginning of a new year alone.  The very third day, after my return to Sarajevo, met Mike.

And here I am now, coming back from my trip, again to Budapest, a year later, and this time- with Mike, and marriedJ and yes there is still a plan to go to India, but some things have changed. The whole year was dedicated to Ashtanga, the whole year Mike and I had so many adventures, we are married, and now the trip to India is not just a plan anymore, because the plan is becoming more and more real. Especially now when I got my Indian visa, which to me was hugeJ

They say that goals are nothing but the dreams with deadline. I find that to be the truth.  And to me that was Mysore.

So the first thing to go to Mysore is as I already said it, the Indian visa. I needed to go to Budapest from Sarajevo in order to get it. Well at least that’s what I was told when I called Indian embassy in Budapest a month ago. So Mike and I planned our first trip, to go there and get my visa, so we can go to Mysore. To me this trip had another meaning too, I wanted US to go there together, because last year around this time I went there as a single woman, now I’m going there married with my husbandJ I was very excited about it. We took train from Sarajevo to Budapest, which was very fun, but at the same time a bit exhausting because we spent 13 hours traveling.

This was our first trip by train. Exhausting part was that we were late, first in Bosnia, when we had to transfer to a bus in Doboj to take us to the Croatian border, because Bosnians were on strike, so there was no train going straight to the boarder. Second part was almost an hour-long wait on a boarder. Huge line considering that it was Sunday 1p.m. Finally we got back on a train, and headed to Hungary, where we had to switch to another train. Actually changing trains was kind of good because that’s how we killed our time.  Around 9p.m. we arrived to our destination.

TIPS WHEN ARRIVING TO BUDAPEST:  

If you are coming late, after 9p.m., note that exchange offices will be closed at this time, if you have your bank card you can always find ATM machines to get the money, but if not, try to have forints (Hungarian money), because they won’t accept Euros and you want to have the money especially if taking transfers with metro or other public transportation. Also, there is no way you can get to metro without your ticket, so you want to come prepared.

GETTING THE INDIAN VISA

Applying for visa is from 10-12a.m., so Mike and I were almost late for my appointment, because we went to Starbucks for a morning coffee, thinking how we are going to make it on time, because directions we found on Google maps said that is pretty easy to get there. We were staying in Central Pest, and the embassy is located in Buda.  But, when we went to the bust station, the number bus from Google was actually wrong, and no one around spoke English to help us out. I started getting frustrated, we were running out of time, and we couldn’t afford to get on a wrong bus and get somewhere we are not going to. Budapest is really big city, and you kind of don’t want to get lost especially if you need to go somewhere where you need to be on time. So I caught a cab. The driver was actually some guy who told us that he was in Yugoslavia in 1975 in Belgrade watching the “Red Star” football game J Interesting considering that was the year when I was not even born, and he’s been in the country that doesn’t even exist now J It was nice talking with him. However try not to get a cab in Budapest, unless you really have to.  Our ride of 10min. cost us 15 euros!  Good thing about it was: We made it to my visa appointment, and we met with the Indian counselor who asked me first:” Why didn’t you send me your passport through DHL? You didn’t have to come all the way here.” I was like… Are you kidding me? I mean I didn’t say it like that, but when I told him that I was told like that when I called the embassy he tried to convince me that no one could give me that information.  But Raj, that was his name, was really nice guy. He was very friendly, we were telling him how much we love India and his culture, and he also suggested some Indian restaurants to go to, so I was very happy we came actually all the way here, because we wouldn’t have met nice people, and we wouldn’t have such a nice time and see Budapest. We finished our meeting, the visa is to be picked up the next day, we learned a lesson from the morning, to get the things done first and then to enjoy, so now we could enjoy. We came back to Pest, went for a lunch to Indian restaurant “Govinda”. We were happy to find a vegetarian restaurant, this one was o.k., but I'm sure there are better places you can find. 

The next day my visa was ready. That was huge for me.  Then we had another experience. We went to take Bikram Yoga class in this part of the city called Astoria.

That was also huge for me, because I practiced this style of Yoga for 4 years, and I wanted to see how I feel now taking that class after being in Ashtanga and almost 2 years of not taking Hot Yoga class. I am so glad I took this class. I could just feel how much I advanced in my practice, and not just physically but mentally as well. And I am so blessed for this great experience, for actually traveling 26 hours just to get the permission to go to Mysore, and the first step of my journey is accomplished. There are many more to come now, but the first one, not just the visa, but this step, the transformation that happened in my practice is my first step in getting where I really want to be. Both Mike and I.