Forgiveness

                                                       "You have to give up to go up"

Almost all of us have been hurt by actions or words of others, wether was from our parents, friends, partners, colleagues, or someone we don't even know. We all know about forgiveness but let's be honest here, it's one thing to read about it and the other thing to really do it. Action of forgiving is not easy. 

I've spent many years living in anger, bitterness, negative emotions that just lead to paying price for it, because you bring that anger and bitterness into every new relationship and new experience. 

When I started practicing Yoga, especially when I started doing it every single day some emotions started to surface. Old traumas, old wounds that obviously never been healed, some of them I wasn't even aware that were still there, but it was obvious that they were and they were effecting me and my present life. After I became aware of this I knew what is the only thing that is left for me to do- to forgive.

It was very hard. I cried a lot, and I let myself cry because I knew that was one of the ways to release my pain, I meditated on forgiveness toward those who hurt me, I found shelter in my Yoga practice, and then I also read that it helps if you write some kind of a letter to a person who hurt you, say everything you feel, you mean, and then burn it. I did that too. I remember the moment in one of the classes when I was in Ustrasana (Camel pose), and when I got up, i just burst into tears. It was amazing experience. It used to happen sometimes that I would let some tears out during a practice, but that time was really special and different. Amazing experience, after which I felt pounds lighter. I forgave.

After forgiveness you learn that the only one who can hurt you is yourself, because you are the one who lets others  hurt you. It's hard sometimes, especially if it comes from someone we care about. But we need to try to understand why and how we get hurt, to understand others around us, develop the compassion and then comes forgiveness. Every memory stays with you, forgiveness lessens the grip on you and helps you focus on positive parts of life. Forgiveness is freedom. 

Always remember: Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. We do it for ourselves to get well and move on! 

First step in my Indian adventure

A year ago, when I started practicing Ashtanga, after years of studying Yoga, mostly Vinyasa style, I have decided after careful consideration, to go to Mysore- a source of Ashtanga Yoga. I’ve made plan to work hard in 2011, and get organized in getting to Mysore. I’ve had help from the teachers who already been there, telling me how to get there and where to go to. A year ago I was also single, and decided to focus on my Yoga practice and the work at my Yoga studio. Being alone and happy I decided to spend my New Year’s Eve in Budapest. I’ve never been there before, and I wanted to spend the beginning of a new year alone.  The very third day, after my return to Sarajevo, met Mike.

And here I am now, coming back from my trip, again to Budapest, a year later, and this time- with Mike, and marriedJ and yes there is still a plan to go to India, but some things have changed. The whole year was dedicated to Ashtanga, the whole year Mike and I had so many adventures, we are married, and now the trip to India is not just a plan anymore, because the plan is becoming more and more real. Especially now when I got my Indian visa, which to me was hugeJ

They say that goals are nothing but the dreams with deadline. I find that to be the truth.  And to me that was Mysore.

So the first thing to go to Mysore is as I already said it, the Indian visa. I needed to go to Budapest from Sarajevo in order to get it. Well at least that’s what I was told when I called Indian embassy in Budapest a month ago. So Mike and I planned our first trip, to go there and get my visa, so we can go to Mysore. To me this trip had another meaning too, I wanted US to go there together, because last year around this time I went there as a single woman, now I’m going there married with my husbandJ I was very excited about it. We took train from Sarajevo to Budapest, which was very fun, but at the same time a bit exhausting because we spent 13 hours traveling.

This was our first trip by train. Exhausting part was that we were late, first in Bosnia, when we had to transfer to a bus in Doboj to take us to the Croatian border, because Bosnians were on strike, so there was no train going straight to the boarder. Second part was almost an hour-long wait on a boarder. Huge line considering that it was Sunday 1p.m. Finally we got back on a train, and headed to Hungary, where we had to switch to another train. Actually changing trains was kind of good because that’s how we killed our time.  Around 9p.m. we arrived to our destination.

TIPS WHEN ARRIVING TO BUDAPEST:  

If you are coming late, after 9p.m., note that exchange offices will be closed at this time, if you have your bank card you can always find ATM machines to get the money, but if not, try to have forints (Hungarian money), because they won’t accept Euros and you want to have the money especially if taking transfers with metro or other public transportation. Also, there is no way you can get to metro without your ticket, so you want to come prepared.

GETTING THE INDIAN VISA

Applying for visa is from 10-12a.m., so Mike and I were almost late for my appointment, because we went to Starbucks for a morning coffee, thinking how we are going to make it on time, because directions we found on Google maps said that is pretty easy to get there. We were staying in Central Pest, and the embassy is located in Buda.  But, when we went to the bust station, the number bus from Google was actually wrong, and no one around spoke English to help us out. I started getting frustrated, we were running out of time, and we couldn’t afford to get on a wrong bus and get somewhere we are not going to. Budapest is really big city, and you kind of don’t want to get lost especially if you need to go somewhere where you need to be on time. So I caught a cab. The driver was actually some guy who told us that he was in Yugoslavia in 1975 in Belgrade watching the “Red Star” football game J Interesting considering that was the year when I was not even born, and he’s been in the country that doesn’t even exist now J It was nice talking with him. However try not to get a cab in Budapest, unless you really have to.  Our ride of 10min. cost us 15 euros!  Good thing about it was: We made it to my visa appointment, and we met with the Indian counselor who asked me first:” Why didn’t you send me your passport through DHL? You didn’t have to come all the way here.” I was like… Are you kidding me? I mean I didn’t say it like that, but when I told him that I was told like that when I called the embassy he tried to convince me that no one could give me that information.  But Raj, that was his name, was really nice guy. He was very friendly, we were telling him how much we love India and his culture, and he also suggested some Indian restaurants to go to, so I was very happy we came actually all the way here, because we wouldn’t have met nice people, and we wouldn’t have such a nice time and see Budapest. We finished our meeting, the visa is to be picked up the next day, we learned a lesson from the morning, to get the things done first and then to enjoy, so now we could enjoy. We came back to Pest, went for a lunch to Indian restaurant “Govinda”. We were happy to find a vegetarian restaurant, this one was o.k., but I'm sure there are better places you can find. 

The next day my visa was ready. That was huge for me.  Then we had another experience. We went to take Bikram Yoga class in this part of the city called Astoria.

That was also huge for me, because I practiced this style of Yoga for 4 years, and I wanted to see how I feel now taking that class after being in Ashtanga and almost 2 years of not taking Hot Yoga class. I am so glad I took this class. I could just feel how much I advanced in my practice, and not just physically but mentally as well. And I am so blessed for this great experience, for actually traveling 26 hours just to get the permission to go to Mysore, and the first step of my journey is accomplished. There are many more to come now, but the first one, not just the visa, but this step, the transformation that happened in my practice is my first step in getting where I really want to be. Both Mike and I.

"The Four Arguments" by Me

Be impeccable with your own words


 Ok, so this is how the story went. A married guy looses his job, and in an order to support his family starts escorting behind wife's back. Pretty soon she accidentally finds out, and leaves him. Of course he was broken because even though he did a bad thing, he was just embarrassed of his job, but his intentions were good.. However he writes a book about his story, about what he did, and on the book signing his wife comes to him and asks him in tear:" And you couldn't tell me how you've felt all this time?" He replies to her: "I am a WRITER."
I am just retelling the movie I've seen long time ago, and the reason is because I kind of found myself in that sentence. Yes, when you are a writer, you find very difficult to express yourself verbally. And sometimes you can even screw up.

We started this blog writing about love, and all the beauty that comes with it. And about Yoga. Yoga is about learning about yourself and discovering new parts of yourself you haven't met yet, about awareness of your words, thought and actions. And in order to be aware of the things something needs to happen to awaken you.

So the last night I've said something that hurt my boyfriend. I was being sarcastic, exaggerating and saying something that really hurt his feelings. All that because I was goofing around. At least that's what I thought. But behind our words there is always something much deeper than that. So you have to ask yourself when you say things that you don't mean: Where is this coming from? Why did I say that? What made me hurt him? And am I right? So here can apply saying "Think twice before you say it." But that can be hard because the person who speaks out in that moment when you realize what you just said s not You. It's you EGO.
So that's the first lesson I failed last night. Be impeccable with your own words.

Don't make any assumptions


Second argument cam from the second lesson I've failed. From the look he gave it to me I assumed something without asking him am i right or wrong. So with that assumption I've had in my head I've created all that mass and said those things I didn't wanna say. So when you think the person you love thinks something about you, or doing something, always and always ASK. I would even put this as a first lesson, because assumption creates a lots of negative things. You assume something and then you start reacting to it. Like I did. Verbally.

Don't take anything personally


In a relationship it's hard to apply this lesson. Let's say the thing I've said the last night to my bf and the reason why it hurt him was not because he just took it personally but because by me being rude I just showed no respect for him whatsoever. So there are limits. Some things you won't take personally and you shouldn't but some when it comes to respecting in any kind of relationship it's OK to let that person know that you care about what he thinks or feels about you.
In my case I just talk rude sometimes to the people I love. And yes they take it personally for the reason because they have love for me too. But the last night when he opened my eyes and literally told me that I am talking rude and it's not happening for the first time, I just stopped. In that moment I remembered all of those moments when I hurt my friends, my mum or now my bf, just by making "sarcastic jokes".  But what is behind all of those sarcastic jokes?? Is it really just my words??
No, that was all my EGO.

So that's why I was saying that when sometimes you say stuff that "you don't mean", ask yourself why is it like that. Try to go beyond the surface. So yes, at first I cried, I let myself feeling bad, because what I do is not right, and as a good person, as a someone who wants to live on a spiritual path that's not the way I want to be. So I meditated. Then I was chanting. Then  I was praying to God.

And this afternoon as reading Eckhart Tolle "A New Earth", I've found my answer. I've found what is behind all this. Yes it's my ego. When I saw the look in his eyes and I assumed what I assumed right away my ego reacted, and wanted to defend itself, and argue to prove that it's right. And also to ask for attention. So that's the moment I became aware. And that's all what Yoga is all about: Awareness.
"Awareness is the power that is concealed within the present moment. This is why we also call it Presence", E.Tolle says.

So here comes and 4th lesson: Always do your best 


Do your best first at working on yourself. Your relationship with you, and then with others. And the reason why I wanted to share my experience about this disagreement I've had in my relationship is for you to see that not everything is perfect in one relationship and there is always a work to do, but to me that's a beauty of it. And also, for you to understand that you will always learn, grow and improve. But it's up to you. I chose this path, the path of awareness and spirituality.

Applying Yamas into your relationship- Ahimsa (Harmlessness)

"Yama can be taken to have different meanings, in different contexts. It may mean "to rein, curb, or bridle, discipline or restrain" In the present context, it is used to mean "self-control, forbearance, or any great rule or duty". Yama can also be interpreted as "attitude" or "behavior". Certainly a particular attitude can be expressed as discipline, which then influences our behavior. Patanjali's Yoga Sutra mentions five different Yama i.e. behavior patterns or relationships, between the individual and the outside world" 
This is short introduction what Yamas are. I kind of wanted to write about Yamas, because they are the first of eight limbs of Ashtanga Yoga, that I particularly practice for the last 3 years. Even though I was learning through religion about the same rules, I really loved Patanjali's approach to how to treat the others. It's not some threat do not steal, do not cheat, do not lie, instead Patanjali says: "Ok, go ahead and do that, but you will not hurt anyone else but yourself". So true. 
As I mentioned above there are 5 Yamas, and look how treating other is so important that Patanjali put Yamas before Niyamas, or the way we should treat ourselves, and then when you think about it it really makes sense. I mean, how else would you be happy unless you avoid all those things that make us suffer? And we were all born good persons, pure souls, and of course that by hurting others we hurt ourselves, for that matter treat others well and you'll be treated the same way. 
Each class I try to talk to my students about Yamas in hope that when they leave the class they will really think about their actions and how they can apply Yamas in their every day life. 
First Yama of all is Ahimsa.The word 'ahimsa' literally means not to injure or show cruelty to any creature or any person, in any way whatsoever. Ahimsa is, however, more than just lack of violence, as adapted in yoga. It means kindness, friendliness, and thoughtful consideration of other people and things. It has to do with our duties and responsibilities too. Ahimsa implies that in every situation, we should adopt a considerate attitude. I like to encourage my students to apply Ahimsa, especially living in Sarajevo, where there is a lot of help needed. Well basically anywhere in the world there is help needed. But I like to encourage them that when they see these animals on streets to not just walk away, or look at them but at least if they can to feed them. That's at least they can do. Or YOU. We can do a lot individually but if each person does its part, we can at least do our job, and show our compassion toward the others, and that's all what Ahimsa is about.  How can you apply Ahimsa in  your relationships? Try to do this first at your home. Being more understandable to people you live with, then the person you are in love with, then with your friends then with the others around you. Maybe you are living with the people who are totally different than you, they have different way of thinking than you do, different interests, but instead of arguing with them just try to be more compassionate. Think about your parents. Especially if they're older, be considerate with the way you talk to them. I'm not saying I am perfect here, let's be honest.. there will be moments when sometimes something will pull you out of your shoes but as long as you're aware of the fact that you're trying to be better person, to understand other more, to be compassionate you are on the right track. And you will see how one thing you do, one good thing daily you do for the others, smiling at others, you wouldn't even think that maybe your smile is just what someone needs today, feeding one animal on a street, maybe helping older person to cross the street, or giving a hug to the person you love. These small things change our world, and theirs too. 
So I also know that I work every day on myself, I am always a beginner, I always learn something new, but on this journey I want to share what I've learned so far with my students and with the people I don't even know, hoping that Ahimsa and our awareness of it will help in our relationships and every day life.

When you start feeling that we are all the one, we all feel each others happiness and each others pain, you will know that you will not be able to hurt anyone in any way without hurting yourself, You will feel when some animal is outside in cold, that you feel their pain, their hunger.. You will feel how it is to be left alone to beg for someone's help just so you can ask fro basics- for food to survive, and that's when you will know for the first time that you are a human being. That you are alive and one with the whole universe.  Maybe then you even decide to go vegetarian, which is also an example of applying Ahimsa. 
Try also when in a relationship to think always how you want to give more than you want to receive, because by making someone happy you will feel good about yourself. 
There is one thing though when in a relationship. When you apply Ahimsa, and you really think about the other person do not do that just because you are expecting something in return but also make sure that the person you are giving your love to really appreciates it and does not take an advantage of you, because unfortunately if you mentally don't match with the person you are with that thing could happen. 
When I've met my beloved Yogi, he asked me what's more important to me in a relationship: to take or to give. I said to give, which it's the truth. I said that because I know I am applying Ahimsa. I did tell him this though about being used by someone if you really give so much, you will know after some time what happens, are you really giving your love to someone who deserves it. When I asked him: What about you? He told me the same. To give love. And I knew from that moment we are just for each other. 
Unfortunately we live in the world where you may find people who wont think the same way as you do. Who want apply Ahimsa, or Bhakti Yoga, but don't let that discourage you. if you tell to yourself that because of yourself you give love, you're honest, you're not a cheater, you have pure thoughts and pure feelings, believe it that you will attract exactly what you are, and then the real Yoga in your life will blossom. 

From Adho Mukha Svanasana to life lasting happiness...

Have you ever felt like you're giving up on love? You've been through so much and you really had enough? That's how i've been feeling for a long time after trying to believe that i'll have that person who is just for me.. It didn't happen so I just thought love is not for me.  I accepted the fact that maybe I will just not find someone who will love me the way I am, and accept my lifestyle as a Yoga instructor. You know, all the things that come with Yoga.. me being a vegetarian, staying at home on weekend nights instead of partying, meditating and enjoying the life and the nature.. Being young and living this kind of life I have to admit it's not quite easy to find someone who understands it unless they live the same life as you do. But I just couldn't find that. So I saw my life having my studio, teaching Yoga, enjoying beauty of the life, traveling, and all that alone.. yes i've had moments of feeling not sad or lonely, because I was happy with the life I've had but.. i just wished and hoped to have someone whom I could give all the love i have inside of me, and whom I could share all this happiness and joy with.
My 2011 resolution was to accept my life as it is, as a single and happy, and then.. The first working day at my studio, I came to the class  which was taught by the other instructor, and while i was in Adho Mukha (Down dog), I've noticed him. I mean, it was hard not to. He was very attractive but just seeing him in asana was something very special for me. The first thought that came to my mind was "Wow at least there is a guy who actually loves Yoga. " I couldn't but not to pay attention to his practice. He was so dedicated and focused while he was moving through vinyasa, and I was just amazed.  I think I fell in love with him just by seeing his dedication to the practice.

The next day he asked me out for a lunch, which after I felt like i was hit by a thunder. I just felt this is something else. He was something else. I've never had someone who actually loved all the things I do. Yogi from Boston, vegetarian, so much into self-developing and meditating, and just discovering life.  I was in love.  I didn't even know that at the moment. But soon enough everything was clear. This is the pure love. I always used to read about those things "when you give up that's when you gonna get what u want", or "the moment we saw each other we knew that was it", and now.. This exact thing happened to me. We wanted to share with you our story so you never stop believing in love. True lasting love.
I'm grateful for him, and we are so blessed that we can share our love story with you, our passion for Ashtanga Yoga & Meditation, and also all the beautiful things in life.

The Beginning

So I guess after you create the blog you have to start writing something, right? Okay, here we go.. 
This blog has been created by two people who met by chance, both knowing and believing that there are no accidents and mistakes in life. So much had to happened for us to meet, so much (maybe down the road I will tell you some of my story). At first sight we knew, and I will speak form myself, I knew that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just did not know what was going on in her head, and I wanted to know that so bad. So I asked her out for lunch and she agreed (after short hesitation :-)) and asked her a lot of questions (later she told me that I scared her a bit) so I can know as much as I possibly can about this beautiful person I just met in Adho Mukha Svanasan just a few days ago. We talked and enjoyed each other company so much that we agreed to meet again and talk some more. Our common interest and passion is Yoga, me being brand new to the practice and philosophy and she was an instructor and fan of Yoga for more then four years. Yes, it all started in Downward-Facing Dog pose...